Grief Isn’t Clinical—It’s Human: Why Language Matters and How We Can Respond
Recently, during a conversation about the work I do in grief education, someone said, “You’re using too many clinical words… like grief.”
That moment stayed with me.
Grief? A clinical word?
While some forms of grief can be complex or traumatic, and certainly there are clinical responses when needed, the word grief itself is not—and never has been—inherently clinical. It’s human. It's ancient. It’s universal.
From an anthropological perspective, grief is as old as humanity. Across all known societies, there are rituals, songs, garments, and practices tied to mourning. In Māori culture, public displays of emotion are an honored part of the grieving process. In parts of West Africa, communal drumming, dancing, and storytelling help release grief through collective expression. Even Neanderthals buried their dead with items of significance—an early sign of emotional processing. These traditions weren’t medical; they were cultural, emotional, and deeply human.
It’s only in more recent, Westernized contexts that grief has been increasingly pathologized. The push for productivity, emotional control, and even the medicalization of suffering have shaped how we see and respond to grief. For example, “prolonged grief disorder” was only added to the DSM-5 in 2022—a reflection of our cultural struggle to understand the long arc of mourning.
The fact that someone quickly associated grief with something clinical underscores why this work matters so deeply. When we treat grief as a diagnosis rather than a natural response to loss, we risk isolating people who are already in pain—especially children.
According to Judi’s House/JAG Institute, 1 in 14 children in the U.S. will experience the death of a parent or sibling by age 18. That’s over 4.9 million children. These numbers double by age 25. If grief is treated as “too much,” “too messy,” or something to fix, we send a message: your sadness is a problem.
But grief isn’t a problem. It’s a process.
While it can be a testament to love, it can also carry the weight of unspoken words, the loss of hope for reconciliation, and a host of conflicting feelings. Grief honors the change in a connection or relationship—whether by death, estrangement, or other forms of loss—that often takes the rest of our lifetimes to understand. This is precisely why it cannot be “fixed.” It must be supported, witnessed, and allowed to evolve.
So how can we begin to shift this narrative?
Here are three key takeaways to help people, parents, and leaders lean into grief moments :
1. Normalize Grief Conversations
Don’t wait for loss to occur to talk about it. Use everyday language—"sad," "missing," "remembering," "loving someone who died"—to invite emotional honesty, especially with children. Normalize feelings rather than labeling them.
2. Honor Cultural and Individual Differences
Grief doesn't look the same for everyone. Some grieve outwardly, some inwardly. Some need rituals, others need quiet. Making room for diverse expressions of grief reduces the pressure to "get over it" or grieve a certain way.
3. Build Grief-Literate Communities
Schools, workplaces, and places of worship can become safe havens when people are educated on how grief shows up. Basic literacy includes knowing what to say, what not to say, and how to show up with presence instead of solutions.
When we understand grief as part of the human story—not a diagnosis to treat, but a truth to hold—we become more compassionate, connected, and resilient as a community.
Let’s keep talking about it.
